I just went through all of my old posts and deleted a bunch of them.  I really just don’t need a reminder of the stupid mistakes that I have made.  I don’t know if I am going to keep updating this journal.  I will keep it running so that I can keep an eye on my corsetry group, but other then that, I think I will be keeping an actual paper journal.  It always feels good to purge your mistakes; even if it is just the record of them.  I had put off things that I shouldn’t have and did things merely because I said that I would, even though I no longer felt that way.  

 I have finally started to do things at work and hence no longer feel like a useless lump just sitting there taking up space.  As for my real life, I just realized yesterday that I fell off the face of the earth for a few weeks.  It’s time to come back now.  So for all of the people that may have missed me, I am sorry.  I don’t know why it happens and I don’t know that it even is happening until I decide to end it.

I have been sewing up a storm lately.  I finished my dress, Alison’s skirt, and am in the process of hemming my gray plaid pleated skirt.  I realized that I am either going to need to make a crinoline petticoat, or buy one.  I do think it might be interesting to make, or I might go mad in the process, we’ll see….

 Another day at work down.  Tonight I am going to go see Flogging Molly.  Tomorrow is going to be a bitch getting up.

Today was my first day at JnJ, I think they forgot about me at the end of the day...  but thats ok.  Nothing like reading SOPs all day long.  On a related note, I hate long sleeves... stupid needing to dress like an adult.

I finally finished my dress last night.  I will never know why it always takes me a week to get something hemmed after having made it in two days.  I wonder if I'm the only one like that.


I heard a song on the radio that I had forgotten about yesterday.  I turned it up and sang along on my way home...

"I never thought it would come to this 
And I, I want you to know 
Everyone's got to face down the demons 
Maybe today 
You could put the past away 
I wish you would step back from 
That ledge my friend 
You could cut ties with all the lies 
That you've been living in 
And if you do not want to see me again 
I would understand, I would understand"

maybe I'll stop at Joann's tomorrow night and get some new fabric.  Not that I need any... I already have enough for my next dress.  But then again, it is me...

This part of the song just makes my heart blossom... rather like an azalea


"Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits"

It makes me think of singing softly into someone's ear tucked away in the corner of a dark club.

 Yesterday I spent with my sister shopping for a dress for Vegas.  It was only when I got home that my mother reminded me that I need a dress for both my brothers wedding and a wedding that I am being kidnaped and dragged to in june (i think its june... I could be wrong).  I also ended up out at the Toad.  I still have yet to finish all of my own beer, but none the less I did enjoy most of a pint of harpoon  maple wheat.

As for my job situation I finally heard back from J&J and will be going in on Tuesday for a drug test and paperwork.  Blah drug test and paperwork.....

I think I am going to be heading out tonight with some of the girls, it should be a good time, but I wanna go and finish my dress! maybe I will ware it out tonight, if it's done.

             Well its official, I have finally finished all of the work for undergraduate degree in chemistry, submitted everything, I am done… it’s a little scary.  I really wish I would hear back from J&J soon, I need a job.  This whole unemployed thing is getting old pretty fast.  I hate having to live off of my savings.  I should do my taxes; hopefully I will be getting some money back.  It really doesn’t help that I lost 25 dollars at Vertex on Saturday.  O well, it was a good time none the less.  I was able to drag out half of the chemistry department with me to celebrate my graduation.  Talk about fun, cold wet but from making a snow angel and all! 

 It is scary to think that in less then two hours i will be in my last undergrad class.  Ironic that it is social psychology....

 I have the greatest friends in the world.  Well some of them at least... others have seemed to disappeared, but then again so have I, being busy with college and such.  

But back to my point, my phone rang this morning at about 11ish, twice.  I just lay in bed and ignored it, thinking I would call whom ever it was back later.  As soon as it stops ringing, the doorbell rang.  So I begrudgingly dragged myself out of bed and threw on a bathrobe to answer the door.  I get down stairs, in nothing but my robe, my hair not brushed or even clean, and open the door ready to rip someone's head off.  At this point I realize it's Howard, all of the way from California.  He came over and brought me a dozen red roses and a box of chocolate because he didn't want me to spend my V-Day alone.  So of course I run upstairs and put on clothes and come back down and Myrrh cat is licking him.  Yes my cats are friendly, but they usually run away from people if they haven't been there for more then an hour.  I have to say, this might still end up being one of the better V-days for me.

I love my friends.